Broomeshtick

I like plain English. I hate jargon.

This post is full of fantastic business speak and nonsense phrases suggested by fellow writers.

The following is a quick sample:

I like touchpoints. I like to think of them as erogenous zones. And executing instead of doing is always fun. Unless the client has actually killed someone. Then it’s quite serious.

(via @mbatey)

Today Microsoft demonstrated the forthcoming Windows Phone 7. I liked the phone but not the presentation. Gruber articulates exactly why.

“This bureaucrat-ese is intended, I suppose, to sound serious.”

The event was riddled with business jargon and CEO-speak. It felt like a young professionals workshop, not the introduction of a consumer device. That’s typical of Microsoft and exactly why the “I’m A Mac” TV ads were so apt.

See also: Yahoo’s recent press conference about their new direction. Utter nonsense.

Of course, the Microsoft argument for using jargon is that they want to pitch their products as being for businesses as well as consumers.

What they and thousands of other companies forget is that, whatever the audience, they will always be speaking to people. Actual human beings.

It’s so frustrating. 

Announced today at Berlin’s IFA technology show, Sony unveiled its new digital media service on Qriocity (pronounced “curiosity” — who knew?), an on-demand video and music service.

Sony Launches Qriocity, Cloud-based Music Service to Rival Apple, iTunes | Fast Company

That has to be the worst name and strapline for a product or service ever. They break so many marketing and copywriting rules that I don’t know where to start.

But I must. I’ll pick three problems:

• Phonetically, a ‘Q’ sounds like quick or quote or quiet. There is no letter that relies on a following vowel more than the letter ‘Q’. And they’ve got rid of it. It’s like me pronouncing the title of this blog, Bee-roomeshtick. Nonsense.
• ‘Music that follows you’. What does that mean? Not to me, I’m a techno-literate writer who knows about syncing and stuff. What does it mean to the average Joe? Absolutely nothing. It’s practically jargon.
• The full stops. If you’re going to make your strapline look like a list of features, make sure you list all your features. And make them sound impressive. Music and movies. Is that it? In this day and age?

Honestly, Apple’s marketing department must look at stuff like this and not know whether to laugh or wince.